


Healing now

by Mary_the_gardener



Series: Advent songfics challenge 2019 [17]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heartbreak, M/M, Songfic, This Is Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21820633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mary_the_gardener/pseuds/Mary_the_gardener
Summary: She always knows what he needs, the right words he needs her say, how much care to shower him with without injuring his ego and when to leave him alone to tend at his scars.
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Javier Fernández's Girlfriend(s), Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: Advent songfics challenge 2019 [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558414
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Healing now

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is what happened when I tried to insert more dialogue scenes into my work. I probably failed miserably, but despite that this may be the first work I am actually satisfied with since I started to post on AO3
> 
> Inspired to: Healing Now - Pain of Salvation
> 
> Edit: Due to copyright restrictions, all the [lyrics ](https://genius.com/Pain-of-salvation-healing-now-lyrics) in the work have been replaced by an **x**.

"Good morning."

"Good morning love."

"I made you coffee."

"You're the best ever."

"And some avocado toast."

"How would I live without you?"

It's a rhetorical question, but there's more than just warmth and love behind her smile. The smile that welcomes him in the bright world every day when he opens his eyes, the smile that he kisses goodbye to every morning on his way to another business meeting, the smile that is the only one that can rival his in brightness when they reunite back in the evening.

She is warm and caring, always wrapping her arms around him, soothing, lulling him to sleep with the warmth of her body, shooing all the dark thoughts away.  
She is soft and loving, when she welcomes him into her, accepting all of him, the sunshine in his eyes along with the shadows hiding behind his pretty lashes. She takes him whole, for what he is. She takes the gold world titles, and all the pains he had to swallow to get there. She takes the lively happiness of the child he was and still is deep inside. She takes the newfound enthusiasm for all the future projects he can finally devote himself to. And she takes all the hurt that he brought back from Canada, all the little shreds of glass his heart broke into. And she works everyday to warm them up with her love, until she will be able to melt them together.

  
**x**

"I'm hereee!"

"You're late!"

"I know, but some parts just wouldn't come together today, we kinda lost track of time."

"...And I ended up having to make dinner all by myself."

"Don't try to fool me, I know you hate it when I mess with your kitchen" She says, finally coming into the room and hugging him from behind.

"Mmh true. But some help is well appreciated after a busy day." He grumbles while stirring their pasta into the pan, but lets her wrap her arms around him. "I'm not so young anymore, you know."

She hums and moves up on her tiptoes to kiss him on the temple, "So is the food ready? This baby here is starving." She asks, detaching herself from him in favour of going to sit on one of the stools at the kitchen island.

"Yess, mushrooms and pumpkin pasta ready for my hungry little birdie!" Javier finally brings the fuming pan to the table and serves in the plates.

They talk about their day over their pasta, telling each other the nice things and the bad things, what gave them a smile and what made their day horrible. She listens to him carefully, she always does, asking the right questions and just letting him get away with some things unvoiced when he looks too tense. She always knows what he needs, the right words he needs her say, how much care to shower him with without injuring his ego and when to leave him alone to tend at his scars.

  
**x**

Sometimes he wonders if he is enough, for her. If this broken guy who doesn't know how to love anymore, who can't read his own emotions anymore, is good for her.

Sometimes he fears it's taking him too long, to get back on track, put his pieces together and finally be able to look at her with the same loving eyes she has for him. Because he is trying, he is trying really hard, and she is the best balm he could ask for, soothing all his wounds, mending all his nerves.

But some days he feels like he is struggling to breathe, to keep his head above the surface. He fights and fights against the waves of this ocean that are his broken feelings. They come and go, sudden and unpredictable, some of them easily taking him under. Unforeseen waterfalls of memories coming down from nowhere, pushing him down, choking him up, and he has to fight to spit it all out, to come back up, disentangle the limbs of his mind from the tentacles of predatory squids with human eyes. Dark, brown eyes he is still longing for.Even when it's all calm, the surface of the water flat, no winds, no waves, his emotional body placidly floating on the surface, he is still slightly aware of the turmoil going on deep down.

The ocean never sleeps. The ocean never rests. And you never know when a tentacle is going to dart up and wrap around your ankle. Bring you down again. And what do you do if you want to free yourself, swim back up to the surface? You grab a knife and cut the ankle, because no knife can cut the tentacles of those monsters made of feelings, memories and regrets.

One ankle today, the other tomorrow, week by week, bit by bit, you keep fighting, you keep staying afloat.

And you keep losing pieces of yourself to the dark depths of the ocean.

**x**


End file.
